This is a deadly question to ask someone you’re dating. Whatever he says will be wrong. If he’s had fewer than you think is appropriate, you’ll think he’s inexperienced. If he’s had more — perhaps way more — than you think is acceptable, you’ll think he’s a slut.And what if he asks you? Same problem. There is no way to answer this early in the relationship without some judgment being made, until you’ve been together for a while and can share this information without fear of judgment.

At a party yesterday, a midlife, never-married woman shared she’d had 60 lovers. Some of the rest of us couldn’t remember the count, as some were long ago in college. She had made a list.

Does it matter how many notches are on your bedpost? People assume that the more lovers you’ve had, the more experienced you are at various ways to please your partner. What if you had only one or two but learned a lot?

My suggestion: Don’t ask, don’t tell. If your date asks you, skirt around it with something like, “Enough to know how to make my partner happy.” That could apply even if there was only one.

What do you think of this question? How have you responded when asked? And if you’ve been the one asking, what did you think when you heard his number?